Breaking free from worry & anxiety (Part 2)
What can you do to break free from anxiety once you've noticed and named it? (more on the latter in Part 1 here)
There are several approaches we can take – to accept it, to work with it, to let it go. To engage the body, the mind, or the spirit. All have their merit.
But I find the following sequence by far the most effective and sustainable over time.
1. Manage your STATE
This is about your state of being – getting the energy in your body to a baseline comfortable place, so you feel at relative ease rather than on the brink of annihilation each moment.
In acute anxiety or crisis, I focus first on feeling safe in the present moment, in the body, right now. This is also called emotional regulation, and it often involves working with the body. Because anxiety and worry are mental processes (that then trigger physiological symptoms), moving attention to the body is strikingly effective.
Some of the techniques I recommend:
Breathing — emphasising longer exhales (research-backed to reduce stress hormones in as little as a few minutes). Inhale for 3–4 counts, exhale for 6–8. The exact ratio matters less than keeping exhales longer than inhales. Do 10–20 rounds and notice how astonishingly different you feel.
Grounding and centring — primarily by focusing on your senses. Notice and name 3-5 things you can see, hear, feel physically. You’ll feel more present and grounded in a short time.
Anchoring (an NLP tool) — connecting a physical stimulus (a touch, a visual cue) to a specific state you've intentionally "programmed" in. Once set, you can trigger that state at will. Want to feel calm and centred before a presentation? Fire off your “calm & centred” anchor. Feeling clear & focused before your creative work session? Your “clear & inspired” anchor will help. It can sound more complicated than it is – the best way to know it is to experience it.
2. Focus on what you can CONTROL
Once you feel safer in your body, your brain has more capacity to problem-solve effectively.
Ask yourself honestly, what is within my control?
Most often, it's some mix of your thoughts, intentions, and actions. Everything external – outer events, other people's behaviour and opinions, the outcomes of our actions – is ultimately out of our hands. We can influence some of these things through how we’re showing up, but that's the extent of it.
And yet, taking control over what we can control is surprisingly powerful. Studies on mice have shown stronger resilience (and a stronger immune system) when they felt control over their circumstances. I've observed a similar mechanism in myself (and other people).
Feeling in control makes us feel strong psychologically — no wonder it also strengthens our immune system, which is our body’s defence mechanism. Taking the next available action prevents rumination and gives us a healthy boost of brain chemicals that help us keep going.
When you know what you can control, brainstorm what specifically you can do to improve your situation. It may be an action impacting the outer world, or a thought exercise to reframe how you’re viewing the situation. Or it can be as simple as taking 10 minutes to journal or meditate before you start your day, knowing how this will positively impact you on all levels.
Consider all options you came up with before you commit to a couple (don’t overwhelm yourself with actions though, as that can be counterproductive). Remember that your strength is in your state and ‘overwhelmed’ is also a state - one you don’t want to embody too often.
3. SURRENDER what's not in your control
While surrendering or letting go of all that is outside your control may seem obvious, we so often hold tightly to things that we cannot control, or even influence. It seems to be a habit for many of us. I suppose not least because control gives us a sense of safety (and our autopilot, survival mechanisms are all about safety).
But - this takes up enormous amounts of energy, and it’s particularly sad when it’s at the expense of what we love to do, our health, and time with our loved ones. Sadly, worry and anxiety don’t make us more pleasant to be around. Or more productive or creative. In fact, they are often blocking us from creating and from trusting our creative flow.
When you surrender, the natural question is: what do you surrender to? Inevitably, to that which is greater than your individual sense of yourself. Whatever that is in your understanding - your wider community, God, the universe, Life itself…
If you keep trying to carry the burden of anxiety, worry, or uncertainty alone, it depletes the very internal resources you need to weather the storms of life. By letting it go, you preserve the energy to handle everything you actually can.
Surrender can take different forms depending on your beliefs – prayer, a meditation on letting go, a 1-on-1 with the Universe (my preferred form), journalling, or actually feeling the weight of whatever is worrying you drop from your being and handing it over to a higher power.
There's substantial evidence that holding spiritual beliefs and engaging in prayer supports wellbeing – better health outcomes, longevity, coping skills, and less anxiety and depression. Religious or not, the impact doesn't seem to differ significantly.
We don't know for sure what this universe is really about. But I think we can trust our own experience of inner peace, hope, and even joy when we do reach out to those comforting powers beyond.
These three steps have proven most effective in my own life, and the life of many of my coaching clients, when worry and anxiety have taken centre stage. I hope they serve you well too.
If you have questions about any of them, please get in touch.
There are many more tools I have up my sleeve to release worry & anxiety, especially as you focus on centring your life around your passions. I share those with my coaching clients and in my email newsletters - you can join my email list here to get the very next one.
Wishing you calm & centredness,
Mojca
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